Posts Tagged ‘My Life’

It’s Saturday. It’s 2:03. It’s rainy. It’s this feeling inside of being ready for an explosion.

I could go out and do anything. Did you know that?

I’m wearing my contacts today, and it’s horrid. I can barely see. I realize that you may say “Well, put your glasses on dummy”, but i disagree. I’ve been wearing my thick-rimmed glasses for almost three months.

The only word I want to say isn’t even a word. UGH!

Last night I felt so strange. I wanted to walk around town. OK, for all of you, all one or… one of you, my town is small. Rochester has a population of around two thousand. It is a suburb of Springfield, IL. You’ll find me in the first subdivision. Inside said subdivision, in the house with the black Isuzu outside. In this room, Top right, you’ll see the famous Elliott Smith “Figure 8” mural on the wall. Yes, I painted a mural/memorial on the wall. Said wall has quotes and quote on it. I love my wall. I digress. I made a list for my ears and set off on a night time adventure. I walked like a depressed person, arms swaying, face emotionless, and head full of thought. I walked, and walked, and walked some more. I touched the brick on the downtown walls. I envied the apartments above the flower shop. I wanted that. I wanted a place of my own. A small town place where I can play my music, and watch the people below.

If you want a really good music site, here is one: www.8tracks.com. My name is LaDeeDumDum. Yes, another The Decemberists reference.

Love, Chris.


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That’s almost my new slogan. It has a ring to it. Like, well, I can’t think of an example.

I think I mentioned this previously, but I love Kind Of Like Spitting. That has a ring to it! Aha! I wanted to show their awesomeness, but the video I found was so, well, disgusting. Don’t get me wrong here, I love his their (his) music, but his appearance startled me. He looked like Jamie Josta (Hatebreed, “HeadBangers Ball” circa 2004).

The resemblence is uncanny to me.

My Life: School is growing increasingly harder, I got new Jeans/Vans today, and my phone is broke (along with three thousand songs). And, I watched Juno today. I loved every fucking frame of it. I loved it so much, it deserves it’s own paragraph.

Juno. Words cannot explain my feelings towards this movie. Every acoustic song, every sarcastic reply, and ever heart string pulled, drove my to lust for that kind of love. What was odd was that I didn’t get sad about this, but rather ambitious towards finding said love. I want that cheesy love, and a person to play songs with. (While I’m typing this I’m listening to Owen, it’s so beautiful).  I want someone to tell me they love me.

Juno prompted me to buy a new messenger bag. I got it off ebay. Seeing as I wanted something unique, I bought the bag with an Israeli emblem on it. Awesome.

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That Cadillacs blend into sunrises?

Bikes don’t do well on gravel?

Rochester is slowly becoming a different town?

 I’ll begin with cadillacs. I was going to go down this little grass hill, when a tan cadillac came out from nowhere and almost hit me. Now, I will admit that I was the stupid one, but, he had plenty of time to swerve (more). At the end of the day, I am now scared shitless of being hit by a car. The look on that man’s face made me what to find him, and buy him some dinner. If he’s reading this ( He’s not) , I’m sorry.

The High School parking lot is completely covered with extremely loose gravel. When did this happen? I guess I don’t really notice, because the only time I’m in that area, I’m in my car. But nevertheless, I almost fell, twice. I don’t wear a helmet either. I could’ve died. My life flashed before my eyes.

Now, Rochester. I am in love with this town, but at the same time I hate the inhabitants. I really love the old timey feel of the “Downtown”, but NOTHING is modern. One of the churches is thinking of putting up a cafe, I am very much for this. Not only would it provide a hangout, but I would also like to showcase some of my music, and hopefully Maxx can join me. I digress, when I was young Rochester seemed like a vast land of buildings and tiny subdivisions. Now all I see is construction, which is good, but they’re building a Field House next to the school. Seeing as I only participate in golf, I don’t really care for this. Do we really need to build this monstrocity? No. We barely have enough money to pay our teachers a modest salary. I don’t know if anyone remembers four years ago, but we were streching to build a new Junior High. How can we pay for a Feild House, and a new Elementary School. I hate it. And in that topic, I hate most of the people at my school, heyt, let’s be loud and obnoxious. That’s cool right?

Ben Gibbard is now .2 steps from being next to Conor Oberst. Who covers “Thriller” and “Complicated.

This Man.

Ben Gibbard- “Thriller”- http://www.mediafire.com/?uyddg9awmll

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I realize that I haven’t posted in over a week, but I took the ACT today, and I have the PSAE tomorrow. So, I’ll post sometime later this week.

Along with that, my laptop won’t connect to the Internet.

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Your the corpse in the class. Those two lines make me want to sink into oblivion. Now, I’ve been depressed since, well, let’s say winter sophmore year. But, nowadays it’s mainly a girl issue. OK, not so much a girl issue, more like a human issue. It’s come to my attention that I don’t “Have Anyone”. This is not said in the sense of family or friends, but more like a person that I can turn to and TALK TO (not text, not myspace). Someone that can look me in the eyes and feel what I’m feeling. Someone that I can open up to with them rejecting me, or thinking I’m an overemotional child.

I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t love someone, because I do. But, I can convince myself that feel anything that is anywhere close to what I feel. I would so anything for her, I would take a bullet for her, and these words do not come from desperation, rather from truth and thought. God knows I’ve had enough sleepless nights thinking and conversing with myself. I was explaining to a friend that, I’ve built up such a wall around myself. It’s a wall built with Music, Loneliness, and Seclusion. I’ve gotten so used to myself that I don’t try for other life. But, there’s always that dying urge inside of me that I need her.

When I was working on my last album, and some of my new one, I played her every song. Now, I don’t know if you know what it’s like to play your crush love songs about her, but all you want is for her to realize that they are all about her. I just want to SCREAM “I NEED YOU”, but I’m probably the most intimidated person ever. And, guess who intimidates me! ME! I DO! I don’t want to be happy, my brain says, so I’m going to mess up everything well and good going for you.

I stood out in the forty degree rain for this girl. I got sick for her! And I would do it a million times over.

This is why I love Conor Oberst. I feel like he knows me, I know I know, everyone feels this, and I’m ok with being a member of this group. He’s the only man I want to sing for me, I only want to hear him to comfort me. For instance, right now I’m listening to Noise Floor, and loving it. It’s funny, this post was supposed to be about Bright Eyes when I was thinking of posting.

So, Ill

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So, I’ve fallen into a bad habit on my days off.  Last night for example, I had plans of getting my paycheck, downloading music, ( <— is that an Oxford Comma?) and playing some video games with my friends. But, of course, this was ruined by my part time narcolepsy. The event occurred around six ish, I passed out, and was awaken by the call of dinner. Then afterwards, I went to asleep, again, and much deeper.The Rumb Thumb

While sleeping too much isn’t the hardest thing for me to get over, this time it was. I did nothing for five hours, where as, I could have been catching up on sleep

I played a hour of video games, listened to music, and texted Tiffany. Usually this would have been ok, but I was up until two in the morning. As that would be bad usually, I have PSAE class and work tonight. Good News!

One good thing did come out of this. I informed Jessica via myspace that I had taken a liking to Christine, and though it took six days, I did finally get a reply. Jessica ( She’s fairly short, so I may call her “Tiny’) said that Christine and I would be a “cute” couple, which is moderately meaningless to me, but I took it as a compliment. Jessica also mentioned that she would bring it up with Christine (hopefully Wednesday). So, I do have something to look forward to. I’m not necessarily expecting a Yes, more of some closure on that part of my life.

Now, music was the more dominent part of last night, so I’ll go into some depth as far as that goes. The first artist, yes artist, I took a liking to was Gregory and The Hawk. I dont have Wikipedia at hand, so I can’t rattle of her name, but it’s a woman that is the main focus. She has a very innocent voice, and that gets to me. The second band I took a liking to was Ra Ra Riot. Eventually you’ll learn that I’m a sucker for a Cello or Violin, well generally and orchestra instroment. This excludes the Saxophone, that is just plain annoying.

I’ve been pretty up and down emotionally today. In art I was happy, then math angry, then theatre sad, and now in cisco I’d say I’m pretty complacent. I’m not the happiest person you’ll meet, but if you smile at my jokes, I’ll smile back.

I’m also wondering if anybody reads this. Probably not

Ra Ra Riot- The Rhumb Line  www.megaupload.com/?d=REIQP3QV

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